Category Archives: saints and heroes

The ghost and the cheetah

Early in 1975, when I lived in a humble squat in Camden Town, London, my best friend was a woman who lived next door. She visited often, and we talked about the interests we shared, including the many things we did not see or understand about life, and why things happened the way they did. She worked as a graphic artist, and I barely made ends meet by packaging things in a dank warehouse underneath St. Pancras train station. I found her beautiful and wise, and I still remember many things she said. I don’t want to compromise her privacy, so I will call her Geeta instead of using her real name.

One day, Geeta told me that she knew someone who had recently made an unusual, frightening experience. She had been visited by the ghost of a person who had died in her home many years before. Geeta would be welcome to visit and hear her story, and she could bring me along. We decided to do this and set aside a weekday, which meant both of us had to take time off from work. I don’t remember why we planned the visit this way. Maybe that was the preference of the woman we were going to see.

This happened in late January or early February, when it was quite cold. The day was clear and dry, perfect for a walk. We hiked from Carol Street in Camden Town, up Camden High Street, to Chalk Farm Road, turned onto Adelaide Road going west, rounded Swiss Cottage, and followed Finchley Road northwest. That was in part the route of the bus number 31, which I and some of my neighbors often took to a public bathhouse at Swiss Cottage to clean up. At the time, our squats did not have tubs or showers. I was thrilled and proud to be walking with Geeta. I would have gone anywhere with her.

Not far from the Finchley Road tube station, we went up a quiet side street. Many houses here were squats, but they did not look like the neat rowhouses in Kentish Town or Camden Town. They were a little rougher, wasted, tired, more in need of repair. We stopped in front of a beige-colored place and walked up the front steps. Geeta knocked. A woman opened the door. She didn’t seem surprised or pleased. Nor did she ask any questions. Maybe she was expecting to see Geeta. Or, their relations were informal and they sometimes visited each other spontaneously. Doing so was more common then — hard to imagine anymore. She invited us to come in.

My first impression of the woman we visited was that she was under a lot of tension, but that could have been just me projecting. She was older than we were, maybe by about six to ten years. That would have put her in her late twenties or early thirties. I will refer to her as Vivian, because I do not recall her name. She was white, pale, tall, thin, and had dark-blond hair. Her sweatshirt and jeans were faded, washed many times, and emphasized her paleness. She looked anxious and exhausted. Once we were in her house and Geeta introduced me, Vivian welcomed us kindly and made tea.

Vivian did not say much until she told the story which had brought us to her, and when she talked, she seemed nervous or afraid, as if volatile, dangerous people might listen and respond violently. Still, she was obviously expecting to speak about her experience and mentioned that sharing it with trusted listeners helped her process it.

We went into the living room, where a yellowish light from a weak lamp made it feel later in the day than it was. Geeta and I sat on floor cushions. Vivian stood most of the time. She rested on an old green armchair when she caught her breath or sipped her tea.

In those days, everybody I knew was friendly and inviting to strangers, but small talk about weather, politics, sports, and the like almost never happened. People exchanged greetings and soon addressed their interests, the burning questions and the ideas, music, writing, and art that moved them. The three of us didn’t say much as we sensed each other, drank our tea, and smoked hand-rolled cigarettes.

I realized that Vivian was preparing herself and waiting for the right moment to start talking. It wasn’t long before Geeta provided her with an opening, asking her to reveal what had happened to her. Geeta voiced her request graciously, aiming to avoid needless tension — far more artfully than I would have been able to at the time. She also assured her that we would keep confidential whatever she shared.

Vivian looked frightened. Her hands were shaking. Maybe she had feared this moment even though she allowed it to happen. It would force her to relive the unsettling event. As I gave her my attention, it seemed obvious that she was living with the echoes of a powerful, disturbing impression. This felt entirely real and honest, free from exaggeration or added drama, and I trusted Vivian to tell her truth. I saw that she was doing her best to manage herself, stay calm, and turn away from any threat of panic. That was something I could respect. I knew fear and what it felt like, and was familiar with the unskillful, desperate behaviors one tended to display when it circled you.

What Vivian told us was this:

On a Saturday evening, a little over a week ago, she was at home. She sat in her green armchair, drank a cup of tea, and smoked a little joint. As she described it, she was not really stoned, she just felt relaxed and a little chilly. She was not doing anything — no reading, writing, listening to music, just following her thoughts. Her cat was with her, but then left shortly after 10 p.m.

That’s when the older woman appeared. Suddenly, she was standing in the room. She had not come through any doors and had not made any noise. She looked at Vivian, who was so surprised that she did not speak or react in any other way. The visitor was maybe around 65 years old. Her hairstyle and dress looked to be from an earlier time. Vivian described her as pale and exhausted-looking, in a way that was not quite material. Apparently, this woman managed to set Vivian enough at ease so she could tell her what she had to say.

Years ago, sometime in the 1940s or 1930s, the visitor had been killed by her husband, who was in a relationship with younger woman. He stabbed her with a knife that she described in detail. Then he buried or left her body somewhere. I don’t remember if we heard that detail or not. He told the police and everybody else that his wife had left the house on an errand and did not return. She was considered missing. The husband was apparently not suspected or accused of a crime, and her remains were never found. Eventually, the unresolved case was closed.

What stands out most for me today, more than fifty years later, was how well Vivian described the visitor’s urgency in making it clear how very important it was to her that people should know what had actually happened. To her, that must have meant justice, and maybe it would allow her to move on. To provide Vivian with proof of her claims, she described a spot in a basement wall and told her to remove the paint and plaster. There, she would find a hollow space with objects that the older woman had hidden there. They would support what she had described. Then she disappeared.

Vivian gathered herself. She knew that astonishing things could happen. In the last few years, she had taken LSD a few times and sometimes smoked marihuana. She understood that people’s minds could play strange tricks and conjure up apparitions that maybe related to a person’s subconscious or to displaced or long-forgotten trauma. It was strange that this would have happened to her, but it did. Maybe, if she let it settle and meditated on it, she would understand it.

However, Vivian wanted to know if there was more to this event than something conjured up by her own mind. Using an old screwdriver and a hammer, she hacked away at the wall where the old lady had told her to look. Indeed, she found a gap that she described as roughly the size of a shoebox. Stuffed into that space were several pages and partial pages of old newspapers that reported on the sudden disappearance of the woman who once lived in this house. They described that the police never found any viable leads, no suspect once the husband was cleared, and no dead body. In the faded pictures, she looked like the woman who had visited that evening. Also, there was a knife that fit the visitor’s description.

Vivian returned these items to their place of concealment and patched the wall back up. She was not ready to open it again and show the knife and newspaper articles to anyone. At least for the time being, she fulfilled the murdered woman’s request by telling her story to people she knew and trusted. Maybe she would understand that this was the best Vivian could do. If the ghost showed herself another time, she could maybe ask her for guidance regarding the possible involvement of other people — the police, the press, maybe even descendants of her family or former neighbors. However, Vivian felt that a second visit was unlikely and, in any case, would unsettle her even more.

Geeta and I did not have much to comment. I had never heard anything like Vivian’s story in real life. It sounded intense, frightening, and unresolved. At a certain point during the conversation, I understood that Geeta had visited Vivian earlier, and that’s when she saw the spot where Vivian had opened the wall. That was enough for me, because I trusted Geeta. I did not have to see it for myself. Maybe Geeta had asked her questions then. I tried finding out more, but did not get anything much from Vivian. She had already told us all she was going to say. We had to somehow let this settle so we could accept it for what it was and not reframe it with our own thoughts and fantasies.

Going to the police or the press was out of the question for Vivian. They would not take her seriously. A newspaper might publish a hurtful, cynical article and make her look ridiculous. Both police and press could make her life unpleasant and shame her for squatting illegally in this house owned by the borough council, one of thousands at the time. They might even pressure her to leave, as council representatives going door to door sometimes did already. Soon, we left and wished Vivian well. Geeta told her that she would be back in touch.

When we shared our impressions, we agreed that Vivian had spoken about her experience as truthfully as she could. It was possible that her descriptions were not entirely factual, but neither had she consciously fabricated or misrepresented anything. During her earlier visit, Geeta had tried to ask some questions, but, just like today, Vivian did not address them. She shared what she could, and that was already a strenuous effort for her.

We were concerned that Vivian, who already seemed fragile and disoriented, was going to suffer more. She wanted to do right by the murdered woman, but did not know how. She had little money and spent most of her time in that house, where she lived alone, reliving the event. In a way, she was as tied to the memory of her visitation as her visitor was to the trauma of her murder. Geeta and I did not have any expertise or insight that would have helped Vivian and didn’t know anyone who did. One odd detail Geeta mentioned was that Vivian had three young daughters. However, in her house I had not noticed any sign of children.

A cheetah, photographed in close-up, lowers her head and looks with great interest at something we cannot see.

We walked home to Carol Street. On the way, we stopped at an Indian bakery and sweets shop and bought some sticky, golden pastries that smelled like sweet incense and tasted wonderful. They were just right after visiting Vivian in her dark, chilly house and listening to her story. We ate them at home, in my place, on the barely used top floor. Because it was cold, we decided to light the fireplace. I had some wood and plenty of paper. It was just a question of getting it started. A few old magazines had been falling about since I moved in the previous summer. We tore them up and arranged them together with the wood. In one of these magazines, I found a full-page picture of a cheetah in black and white. It accompanied an article about the plight of these endangered, marvelous animals. I might have burned it, but Geeta stopped me. “Not the cheetah,” she said. “One doesn’t burn pictures of cats.” I loved her for saying this and knew she was right. The image of the cheetah was still in the house when I left a few years later.

I never heard anything more about Vivian and her ghost. Not long after this day, Geeta and her boyfriend moved out of the squat next door into a rented apartment with a proper bathroom. They also joined an esoteric organization. For a while, Geeta still visited and told me about what she learned there. Then our paths diverged and we lost touch. I had hoped that Geeta and I might have some kind of future together, but this wasn’t to be. The walk to that distant Finchley Road neighborhood to visit Vivian, listening to her, our conversations before and afterwards, the fire and the photo of the cheetah — that was the high point of our friendship. I have gratefully remembered and relived it many times since then, but some details are lost.

Seen from the front, a cheetah is running at great speed, leaning to the side as she zooms around a curve.

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Saints, heroes, villains, lost souls (8): Cruel man of mystery

Late in the 19th century, Hans Schaefer was born in the Saarland region of Germany, an industrial and coal-mining region where many people spoke French as well as German. As a young man and World War I veteran, shortly after the war, he had a brief relationship with a young woman who hired herself out as a nanny and house cleaner. I wrote about Maria Kohler elsewhere in this blog. That affair didn’t last. It was obvious that Hans and Maria had nothing in common. As he later told everybody who would listen, he was glad to be rid of her when he moved to Cologne for a job in a cable factory, where he spent twenty years or more.

One day, Maria appeared on his doorstep. She was pregnant, broke, and hoping he would take her in. She had left her home in Bühlerthal, in the Black Forest region of Germany, under a cloud. This was her first visit to a big city. Her dialect would definitely have made her a figure of ridicule, and her 8th-grade education would not have helped.

Maria and Hans were married. “I was sorry for her,” he told me. “She had nobody and nothing else.” In 1927, Maria gave birth to my mother, who spoke often about her father when I was growing up and both she and I had our problems with Maria, my grandmother. She adored Hans Schaefer, who was also her best friend. According to my mother, Hans was a genial, kind, good-looking, cultured man who spent most of his free time with his daughter. He took her on walks around the city, taught her how to roller-skate, helped her understand and appreciate classical music, and removed her from the vicious confusion of her mother’s furious, violently changing moods. Sometime in the second half of the 1930s, Hans and Maria were divorced, and you can read about Maria’s story in the other blog post. Hans, who had already started another relationship, was out of the picture. My mother grieved and never heard from him. Through people who knew others who knew him she heard that he was not drafted into the military to fight in World War II because of an injury from the first war. He remarried. He left the cable factory and ran a greengrocery store together with his wife. During the first years after World War II, my mother tried to contact him through the mail, but was never sure she had the right address. She never received a response, and eventually concluded that Hans Schaefer was no longer living. He had probably been killed in a bombing in the spring of 1945, just before the war ended.

That’s how she left it until the spring of 1971, keeping her father alive in her stories. But then, after decades without contact with my mother, one spring afternoon Hans Schaefer walked into the shoe shop she and my father owned and where they worked six days a week. My father greeted him and asked how he could help him. “I am here to see my daughter,” Hans said. My father called his wife. “I almost lost consciousness,” she told me. “He had cut off all contact, never responded to a Christmas card or anything else, and I had stopped hoping for him to get in touch with me many years ago. I thought he had passed away, and remembered him as I remembered him from before he divorced my mother.”

Apparently, she asked Hans a few questions to make sure he was who he said he was, because she did not trust her eyes nor his words. She was still in shock when she came home that night and told me about the encounter. Hans had asked for her forgiveness and given some hazy explanation, something to do with him thinking his ex-wife had turned his daughter against him and he would not be welcome. “But you sent him all those cards,” my father said. “I know, it doesn’t’ make any sense,” my mother answered.

Still, she tried to make the best of it. For several months, she visited him every other week or so, usually on Saturday afternoons. She took the bus to his part of town when the shop closed at two, and came home around eight p.m. or so, which was quite late for her. She never said much about these visits, but she seemed happy to be able to have a relationship with her father.

One Saturday, she gave her time with Hans Schaefer to me. She had arranged for me to visit him. I couldn’t tell you if that was her idea or prompted by his request. I had no idea what to expect. I remember the long walk through wealthy, green neighborhoods on that early summer day. My grandfather lived in a small row house off a busy arterial. He was small, limped, wore thick glasses, smiled much, and made me feel at home. He talked about his ex-wife, my grandmother, and how disgusted he was when he learned she had come out as a lesbian. He was down on the Catholic church and religion in general, which mortified my mother. He had cooked some chicken and vegetables, cut a couple of baguettes into slices, and told me the French were so healthy because they always ate bread with their meals. At an age when I knew most of everything, I found him naïve and poorly informed, but I enjoyed his company. Except for when he talked about my grandmother, whom he despised, he was funny and warm. I could imagine that Hans Schaefer had been a wonderful dad to my mother when she was a child. He made coffee. We ate some dry cake, even drank a little wine. When I left him, I felt I had made a good friend and looked forward to seeing him again. At the time, he was no longer working; the greengrocery business had been closed or sold.

My mother saw him the following week and reported that he had also enjoyed meeting me. Some of his ideas and opinions were a strange mixture of Marxist and nationalist concepts, and his judgment of current affairs and the state of the world was clouded. There were no books in his house, and no classical records, either. He only read a sleazy tabloid paper, nothing else. But so what. I liked him and thought of him as a good man.

When another Saturday visit came around, my mother was greeted by a young woman who said she had been Hans’ girlfriend. Indeed, Hans had mentioned a girlfriend and how proud he was to have met her. His wife had left him or maybe was no longer living, I can’t recall. The girlfriend told my mother that Hans had suddenly died a couple of days ago. She did not let my mother into the house, because he had instructed her not to. She even produced a note in pencil, written by Hans hours before he died, telling her urgently not to let his daughter inside the house, not to give her anything of his, not to engage in conversation with her, and not to invite her to the funeral. My mother recognized his handwriting. She left, devastated and in tears.

When my mother was sad, the turned very quiet, pale, and distant. It took days and days before she was ready to tell me about that last visit. She was horribly confused by her father’s note, and offended that the girlfriend would have followed his wishes without any compassion for her. Something broke in her then. Her memories of the good, kind, caring father had been obliterated. Soon, Hans was no longer talked about. But I don’t think she was ever able to forget him. Soon after, I went my own way and was estranged from my parents for some years, so I don’t know how she dealt with what had been done to her.

I can imagine why Hans sought his daughter out, that day in the shop. But why he saw fit to cause her such pain when his end was near, I have no idea. I remember him as a cruel man who could be very loving and friendly when he wished to. You can argue whether it would have been better for my mother never to have seen him again. She learned some sort of truth about him and maybe herself and the world, but at enormous cost.

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Saints, heroes, villains, lost souls (7): A unique grandmother’s sad, brave life

My grandmother, Maria Kohler, was a courageous, resourceful misfit with a lovely soprano voice. Around 1920, she left her home and village in Germany’s Black Forest and took a few trains to another region, the Saarland, not far from the French border. This was an unusual step; nobody in this farming family had ever traveled except for the men who were made to go to war. Maria had lost five or six brothers in the recent World War. In the Saarland, she worked in people’s households, cleaning, running errands, and taking care of children. She had a relationship with a man, Hans Schaefer. He eventually moved to Cologne to take a job in a steel cable factory.

Maria was let go by a couple of her clients and fell on hard times. Once again, she left town. She found out where Hans Schaefer lived and showed up on his doorstep sometime around 1925. Later, both Maria and Hans confirmed that this was not a high moment. She said, “I did not know where else to go and had nobody to turn to. It seemed practical for us to get married.” He said, “I felt pressured into marrying her, because she was lost. I felt sorry for her.”

Maria and Hans married. She gave birth to my mother in 1927. There are no happy stories from their lives together. Hans liked to listen to opera on the radio; Maria rattled dishes and told him to “turn that garbage off.” He liked soccer; she hated it and his friends, even more. They never took vacations, either alone or apart. By all accounts, she was a horrible housekeeper who always cooked way too much and threw tons of food away because it spoiled or she did something awful to it. She apparently did not like being a mother, much, either. In pictures of her and the baby, later the child, she always looked disgusted or bored. Hans and family members all described her as cold and uncaring.

However, during those years of a miserable marriage, Maria developed a network of women friends who were close to her almost until she died in the 1970s, when I had already left the country. I don’t know how she met these women. Maybe at church, where she sang in the choir. Maybe in the homes where she did domestic work. Or at the bank where she cleaned after hours. I met some of them in the late 1950s and 60, when she took care of me during the day. They were interesting, funny, and unconventional—even I could tell. Nothing like any other people I met in those gray days. Maria gossiped with almost anybody she saw more than once on the street, probably her favorite occupation, walking or standing and talking, talking, sometimes for an hour or more. But she always made disparaging remarks about the women who were not part of her circle. “She’s dumb, her husband is the boss at home.”

In 1937, following a hysterectomy, Maria was very ill for months. She survived, and she and Hans soon divorced. Later, he told me he left her because she had “become a lesbian” and was impossible to live with. Of course, that would have been a devastating accusation during the Nazi era, even though the regime was slightly more tolerant of gay women than men, who were persecuted, packed off to concentration camps, and murdered.

After the divorce, Hans lived his own life and eventually remarried. He disappeared from my mother’s life until 1971—a story for another blog post. Maria and her daughter lived by themselves. My mother was never willing to talk about that time after her father had left. When the war intensified and Cologne was bombed repeatedly, Maria and the child moved to the Kohler family home in the Black Forest. By all accounts, this was a horrible period for Maria. Nobody loved or even liked her, but they felt obliged to help her out. She and her brothers and sisters did not get along. One day, her brother shoved her down a few steps during a fight, and she fell on a few spiky indoor cacti. My mother was still enjoying the cruel moment when she told me about it decades later.

What I think made Maria often so hard to get along with was that she did not want to be like everybody, she wanted to be different. Better. Interesting. She wanted to be somebody special who does special things. But she lacked the self-awareness and education that would have helped her find and make something of her talents, so she was constantly overreaching. Every week day and most Saturdays, she cooked for my parents and me, dishing up huge amounts of tasteless, salty, greasy, or bitter food that drowned in oceans of brown, fatty sauce. In post-war Germany, people delighted in eating lots and lots, especially meats. Maria never met a pork chop or fish filet that did not want to be excessively breaded and salted, and overcooked in a pan full of some sort of grease until it was almost black and tough to chew. She baked cookies in the same manner, and sent large boxes full of them to her sister, who in return always gave us a package of delicious, sophisticated cookies and cakes of her own making. Even mild or humorous criticism of Maria’s cooking and baking was an insult to her. She sent sections of the newspaper to the relatives in the Black Forest, so they could get an idea of the news from the big city. She wanted to be asked to sing in the church choir, but was offended when people expected her to show up for a mass. She had strong judgments about people and politics, but also was usually completely misinformed.

Sometimes I think I was the only person in the world who knew a good and generous side of Maria, especially later in her life. Because my parents were always at work in their shoe shop, six days a week and seven in the run-up to Christmas, she was the one to take care of me from shortly after I was born until I was about 12 years old, when I started doing my homework in the back of the store, spent more time with friends, and did not see her so much anymore. Maria cooked for me, and often that was even good—simple potato soups, frittatas, vegetables, fried fish, and more. She read me stories from the paper. We went for long walks through downtown Cologne and the city’s parks. Sometimes she took me along to her part-time evening job cleaning a bank branch, where it always stank of cigars and cigarettes and the stuffed suits’ awful lunches. We went to the movies together, watching Disney cartoons and newsreels. We spent endless hours playing board games. She also took me around the department stores and the places where she bought milk, vegetables, meat, and fish, long before supermarkets arrived. She chatted with all the storekeepers, who were usually very nice to me. And, when I began going to school, Maria figured out that I did not comprehend the writing lessons, and helped me through that hard time until I could write. She was also the one to understand that my eyesight was bad and that was the reason for my being slow to learn. I simply could not see what the teacher wrote on the blackboard.

I was the only one who saw how many aspirins and pain killers Maria took every day. When she cried and complained about the people who had disappointed and betrayed her, I was the only one who heard her. For years, I was also the only one who knew about her continuing friendships with the group of older women. There was at least one bitter scene where my mother told Maria not to expose me to them. I kept quiet after that. Maria didn’t care about anything her daughter told her—they disliked each other very much—so she remained loyal to her friends.

Maria did not live with us. She rented a miserable, cold room (no bathroom, shared toilet eight steps down) at the far end of the street. Instead of paying rent, she kept the public areas of the building clean. When we moved to another part of town, she had to ride the buses and trams to get to our place, where I needed feeding and the laundry and other household chores needed to be done. She lived in that hole until she died. My parents, who were by then financially set, never tried to move her someplace more comfortable. “She would not have wanted that,” my mother said later. My parents paid Maria a small amount of money for all her work. I have forgotten how much it was, but I was ashamed when I did find out.

Maria’s is a sad story, as you see. For too long, she was much too close to me, and some of her nervous, crazy restlessness became mine. She also passed on a strange sense of wanting to be special, along with many fears. Because her moods could swing from warm and sunny to screaming furious in a few seconds, and I never knew what brought on the change, I was pathologically vigilant and considerate of other people’s imagined feelings for many years, and always tried to guess and anticipate what everybody was thinking and feeling. None of these things were healthy, and they are all part of me.

Maria died alone, like we all do, but she had been abandoned long before by everybody she knew. Her friends had already passed on. I doubt that anybody cried for her, least of all her daughter. I was out of the country and not in touch with my parents. I had no tears when I heard of her death much later, but I was and am sometimes sad for how her life unfolded.

When I think of my grandmother today, I prefer to recall the good times—when she told me about animals and their habits, when we bought some foam filling for our cushions and all the colorful flakes spilled out of the bag on the way home and we laughed and laughed when we realized that was happening, or when I eavesdropped on her and her friends’ warm, intimate conversations without really understanding a word of them. Other times, I remember the mysteries—why did she always draw pentagrams on shopping lists and other pieces of paper? What did she know about herself when she decided to leave home? To what extent was she really involved with her parish’s dangerous efforts to shelter and save Jews and communists during the Nazi years? What did she really believe? But I will never know.

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